Monday, March 28, 2016

This Easter Season

A lot can change in three months, especially in the world of a nursing student, newlywed, and a 25 year old girl, who is becoming an adult. Adulting is hard, but I have to admit it is a lot more fun than being a child. Okay, both have their benefits, but I like the idea of being able to make a life of my own. I am still trying to figure out the whole adulting thing, but I have a strong support system behind me. Especially from my amazing husband, who is always there to pick me up when I am stressed out and even when I just need a hug. I think the only way I can survive adulting is with the help of my handsome husband.

Easter is on of my favorite holidays, because it is a time to reflect more on what my Savior has done for me, when he died for me all those years ago. This past week of nursing school was the hardest week of my life, and I do not think that I am exaggerating that statement. When you are struggling with anxiety and when you are trying to be confident all at the same time, it is a lot and  you are not sure where to turn for help. Lucky, I have a wonderful support system and I am able to rely on people to pick me up. Especially my Father in Heaven and my Savior. They are the ones that have blessed me with the support system that I have and that is the most important thing to me. That is what Easter is all about. I am learning that Easter is more than just remembering our Savior, but it is starting over for ourselves and about becoming better than we have been. 

Every morning I wake up and I want to be better. Not just for myself, but for Nick, for my future children, for my future patients, for my family on both sides, for my Father in Heaven, and for my Savior, who gave everything up for me. Easter is a time to decide what I want to do to be better and I can do that with my Savior by my side. 

I do not know if I will ever get the hang of being an adult, but Easter reminded me that it is a time for new beginnings and that I can be better. When I follow my Savior, He will lead me to my potential, my FULL potential. Not only that, but He will lead me to the potential that my Father in Heaven knows that I have. When I follow Him, I am safe. My husband reminded me this on Easter, well actually before a test, that it is Heavenly Father's plan, NOT my plan! 

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Hi Nanny!

I miss you! I have been thinking a lot about you lately especially with the holidays and with my very special day coming up. I wish you were here physically to celebrate and to share in the love. I know you are here spiritually, but it isn't quite the same as having you here physically. I just miss you more than words can truly express. 

Nicholas is an amazing man Nanny. I know you two would get along so well talking about all of the things you two are passionate about. I can see you sitting in your chair and listening to him play his guitar. You would have the largest smile on your face. I can image it perfectly. I wish you could have met him while you were still alive. I wish you would be here physically for your great-grandchildren. 

I'm making all my dreams come true Nan. I'm working hard for you and mom. I'm working to become the woman you two raised me to be. School is hard and life hasn't gotten any easier the older I've gotten, but I continue forward with the knowledge you are my guardian angel. What more can a girl ask for them to have her grandma as her own guardian angel?!? I promise you Nanny I will continue to work hard and make you proud of me. All I want to do is make you proud. 

I hope you are dancing Nanny with Papa and laughing our wonderful laugh. I hope you are working hard to be your relatives to the wonderful gospel that we have here on Earth. I hope you are watching over us and sending us kisses when you can. I love you Nanny and I miss you, but I know you are in a better place and I can't wait to be reunited with you! 

Love Always, 
Alyssa Kay Elaine Wilson Wasmuth Whitson


Sunday, June 21, 2015

Recently

Life is an adventure. Everyday is a new day and it leads us in a new direction. If it is not up, then it is sideways. If that is not enough, life will throw in two adventures at once and watch us try to juggle it all. Life is a funny person like that, but the thing that makes it all worth it, is the fact that those adventures become memories, as well as strengthens and traits.

My life is in this transition mode, where I am going on many adventures and making a lot of changes and trying to make it all work out for myself, as well as for all those that I love. I am a people pleaser. I have noticed that a lot lately. I try to make sure that everyone is happy and that I am and will make them happy. This is a VERY hard thing for me to continue doing. I have this very deep fear. Something that I am trying to share with others, but there are times when it is easier to hide, rather than to share. I have figured it out now, if I share this fear I may be able to help out others and that is what life is about. Helping one another out, so that we can all grow and be closer to our Father in Heaven.

Here it goes:
   I have a huge fear of not being good enough. Not being pretty enough, smart enough, nice enough, skinny enough, etc. The list honestly goes on and on. It is hard to try and live up to everything that you desperately want to live up to. The pressure is unbelievable sometimes. I feel that pressure a lot, especially lately. It is scary growing up. I will admit that. I will admit that I am scared to make the next step into my life. I am scared that I will not be able to accomplish all of these goals and dreams in my life. I am scared that I will let my family down, let my friends down, let my boyfriend down, and let down my Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am most worried about letting my Savior and Heavenly Father down. I am scared to grow up. It makes sense to be scared though. Life will be scary, but it is the way that we handle things that make ALL the DIFFERENCE!

I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I have been learning a lot about it as well. With the help of my boyfriend, family, and the scriptures/Heavenly Father, I am learning how to battle the "not enough" feelings and turning them to positive thoughts. One scripture that has become a crutch is found in the Book of Mormon in Alma.
Alma 8:15 we will read "Blessed art thou... therefore, lift up thy head and rejoice; for thou hast been faithful in keeping the commandments of God from the time which thou receivedst thy first message from him."

We are here on this Earth to be happy and to rejoice because that is what life is suppose to be. Life is suppose to be happy. When we are sad we need to remember to be happy. When we want to quit, we need to remember what Elder Holland said,
"Don't you QUIT. You keep walking, You keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead!" 


Sunday, October 26, 2014

Lately

I have had so many thoughts and wonders come up in my head these past months, that it has been hard to write them down and know where to take them..

I went from knowing that I will be at BYU-Idaho, to graduating, to working full time, to having no idea where I want to go with my career, and then to not knowing if I am good enough to do what I want and be who I want. That is a lot for a girl to handle and it is even more tough when you do not want others to see that you are weak and share with them what is all going on. When you are 23, graduating college, and growing up, you do NOT want others to see you as a weak little girl. Instead you hold it in and pray that you do not come undone at the seams.

In April, I was closing one chapter of my life and about to start another one. I was graduating BYU-Idaho with my bachelor's degree and leaving my Rexburg bubble. I was leaving my friends, especially my best friend Kamille Hogg, and I was moving home to get prepared for graduate school. I was not sure what I was doing, because my plans were blowing up in my face and all I knew was that I had an AMAZING job at home. I knew that I would have a roof over my head, a car to drive, and food to eat. Now those are all essentials, but at the same time it was not everything that I wanted or needed.

I have always had a plan. I wanted to be married by now and I wanted to be on my way to having my career completed, at least half way done. So far, none of that has happened. I am still single, looking for my prime charming, and I am still confused with what I am meant to be. It makes one feel like a failure when the plan she makes does not happen accordingly. It humbles you though to know that your plan is not the plan the best plan out there, but there is an even BETTER plan out there, made by Heavenly Father.

It is the hardest thing to do though. Let go and let Heavenly Father be the conductor. It is something that I love and something that is hard for me. I know that He has a plan that will happen when He wants and when it is RIGHT for me. I am a perfectionist and I am a bit of a control freak, so it is hard for me to let go. It is a lesson that I need to continue working on and something that I need to make sure that I follow because His plan is 1,000 times better than my plans.

Yes, I am 23 years old and I am single. Yes, I am confused with what career path to take and yes, I am striving for more. Isn't that the whole point of life? It is something that I am really looking at lately, is that I need to have more trust and have more faith. I am never left alone to make major decisions on my own, but there will be times that I am left alone so that I can grow and become who I am meant to be. I am just a girl trying to figure out where I belong and how to make it in this world.


I wish I knew were I would be in a year or two, but I won't know where I am going. I will not where my next step is, but I think that is part of growing up. I am struggling to figure out who I am and I am striving to be the best version of me, I can be. I want what I want, but I have to make sure that it is all in the timing my Father in Heaven. I am confused and I am scared, but I am willing to MOVE FORWARD with Faith and with Courage, because my family, friends, church members, and Heavenly Father and Savior are there for me every step of the way.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

How to Love Yourself the Way the Lord Loves You


I gave a talk in Sacrament today and this is what I talked about. In Sacrament it was a little different, but it was based off these words! Enjoy them and PLEASE oh PLEASE, leave comments!!! =)

How to Love Yourself the Way the Lord Does

Good morning, sisters and brothers. My name is Alyssa Whitson. I am from Lodi, California and this is my 8th semester up here. I will be graduating next April in Exercise Physiology and I am planning on going into pediatric physical therapy. I pray that the Spirit is here so that He can teach each of you guys the things that you need at this time.

Have any of you felt alone? Or felt unloved? Maybe felt insignificant in your daily lives? Like the best way to make things better is to put yourself down? All of us struggle with seeing ourselves the way others, like our parents, friends, teachers, our bishopric, and the Lord, sees us. This can be one of the hardest obstacles that some of us will face in our lifetime. How do we overcome this? How do we learn to love ourselves the way the Lord and our parents love us?

Christ sees us as we truly are, because He created us, because He sees our spirits, He truly knows us better than anyone else knows us. It is the same with our parents. Our parents sees us through eyes of love and they see us for who we truly are, just like our Father in Heaven. Yes, it is hard to see ourselves with eyes of love and act like we know who we are, but isn't it that part of the journey? To figure out who we are and to come to love ourselves the way the Lord loves us.

It is really hard for me to see myself the way the Lord sees me, and it is really hard for me to hear compliments and accept them. It is the whole seeing yourself as imperfect and feeling like you do not deserve those compliments or the love that the Lord or our friends and family want to offer us. Whenever I am having one of those moments, I call my mom because she is my level head and she is the one that can calm me down when I am having a break-down, as she would call it. Last semester was a time when I called her a lot because I needed her a lot. I went through a really difficult break-up last semester, and it was something I struggled with for months. I was dating someone from back home and everything was perfect, except for the fact that he was not LDS. He made the decision to never join the church, so he wanted to let me go, so I could date and find someone who would take me to the temple, because he knew that was my biggest dream. I did not want the relationship to end, because in my mind I didn't think anyone could ever love me the way he loved me. We continued to be best friends and talk every day and then in November he told me he started seeing someone else, and I pretty much fell apart. He always talked about her and I was trying to be a good best friend and act like it didn't bug me at all, but on the inside every time he mentioned her or something to do with her, I died a little. I called my mom almost every time I got off the phone with this boy. I was crying, upset and breaking on the inside.

I would tell my mom that no one will ever like me, because there is so much wrong with me. I had this list of things that I thought made me a loser, like being a good girl. A good girl that won't laugh at dirty jokes, or that won't give up my virtue to anyone, who is not my future husband. To me, I love these qualities, but when it came to feeling lower than the ground, I thought that those things made people not like me. My mom would always tell me that it was Satan telling me that I am not good enough. Telling me that no one would like me because I am a good girl. My mom would then tell me that he was wrong and that someone out there would love me for my goodness and that my Father in Heaven is proud of me for being who I am. She always calmed me down and she always told me that she loves me and it hurts her to hear me so upset and I think if she could she would take everything I was feeling and put it on herself, so that I would not suffer. When I would go to Bishop and talk to him, he told me the same thing that my mom told me, which was always tough to admit to your mom that she was right because she likes to rub it in your face, and he even wished that he could take the pain I was feeling away from me.

I learned a lot from this is whole thing. Things like I am never alone and that my mom, friends and especially the Lord are always there for me. No one may understand what I am going through, except for the Lord because He suffered and took upon Himself my pains and my sins. In Alma 7:11, we can read, “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.” There is a church song that got me through these trails called “He Walked a Mile in my Shoes” on the Joesph Smith Tribute CD. Part of the song says, “He lived 2000 years ago...I believe. So how could He truly know me? Though the son of God, my life, my friend. Still it's hard for me to comprehend and I wonder; How could He know the heartache I feel, When He lived a perfect life. From Gesthemene to Calvary, Was it really for me that He died. Then the Spirit whispers these words ringing true. From the garden to the cross. He walked a mile in my shoes. Down on His knees in the garden that night, with tear-stained eyes. He lived each moment of our lives, Every tear and insecurity, That I've ever known. My fallen moment, He has atoned, Still I wonder, See Chorus again!!!” The Atonement is there for us and we can use it for to heal our wounds and to feel the comfort that the Lord is there to give us. He is there to support us and to give us a hug or comforting words when we need them.

How do we know the Lord loves us? This is not a question that is hard to answer. He loves us so much that He was willing to die for us, so that we can come back to Him and live with Him again, if we choose to do so. In John 15:12-14, we read “ This is my commandment, That ye love one another as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.” When I read this, I get the feeling that He is telling us that we need to love another, but we need to love ourselves too. In a talk called Confidence and Self-Worth By: Elder Glenn L. Pace, he says, “With the help of the scriptures, words of the prophets, and personal revelation, we gradually come to an awareness of our true nature and destiny. Once we grasp this reality, we can obtain the faith to move forward and overcome any obstacle standing in our way of fulfilling our foreordained destiny- including the obstacle of feelings of low self-worth.” Once we slow down and start to learn that we have the Lord with us at all times, and we were born with many of the same qualities that He has we can overcome any obstacle that stands in our way. Including the obstacle of low self-worth.

There are a lot of quotes out there that are uplifting and are telling us, pretty much what we already know about accepting who we are and loving the qualities that we have, because those qualities are what makes us, us. Why would you want to be someone else? Especially when God made us who we are and we are made in His image. I believe that it hurts Him when we put ourselves down and when we think we are not good enough. I know that it is hard to always be positive, but when we are feeling low, we get onto our knees and pray for the help to be positive. We call up a best friend, or a parent and ask for help to see you the way they see you or to pray and ask the Lord to help us see ourselves the way He does. President Uchtdorf in his talk The Reflection in the Water, says “It is natural to have times of self-doubt or unhappiness. . . Think of where you came from. You are sons and daughters of the greatest, most glorious being in the universe. He loves you with infinite love. He wants the best for you.”

One of my favorite quotes is from Dr. Suess and it says “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no alive youer than you!” God hand crafted you to be you. Why would you want to be anyone else? Another amazing quote says, “Be yourself! An original is always worth more than a copy.” Make sure you love yourself for being who you are and for not being someone that everyone thinks you are. People are going to judge you and say things about you, but none of that matters. The only person that you should be living to impress is your Father in Heaven, and I can testify that He already loves you and He will always love you! I challenge you guys that when it gets to hard for you to stand anymore, kneel and talk to your Father in Heaven. When you need a shoulder to cry on, talk to Him and He will be there to pick you up. I challenge you guys to pray and ask Him to help you see yourself the way that He sees you and the way others see you! We are all daughters and sons of God and we deserve to see ourselves that way.

I know these words are true and I know that the Lord loves all of us. I know that He died for each and every and every one of us. I know that when we use the Atonement for anything in our lives, it will help us. It will help us make our weak things strong. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God and that he died to seal his testimony with his blood. I know that as we continue to work to become like our Savior and follow the commandments we are making Him proud. I love this gospel and I know that it is true. I say these things in the name of the beloved son Jesus Christ, Amen. 

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Me, who I am?

Sometimes I wonder if people really know who I am. Know what my fears, goals, worries, joys, or anything else that is in my head. I wonder sometimes if people even care to know who I am. Not the me the world sees, but the me that is inside, the me that only a few truly know.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or as everyone calls us, Mormon. I am a good girl, and I am not ashamed of being good. I actually really like being good. I like being innocent, because that is something I strive for. I love being good! I am a simple girl. I am special and beautiful, inside and out. I am worried about everything and I tend to stress about the little things all the time. I am shy, yet I love talking to people once I get to know them. Then they can never get me to shut up. :-) I am a Rusher and a Directioner, and I love listening to those two groups. I am a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I am a basketball player, and I am a dancer, even though I can't dance. I am ME!!!!!!!!!

I love coloring, or watching a Disney movie, like Toy Story or Beauty and the Beast. I love wearing sweats and I love cuddling with my blankets and a stuff toy. I have dreams that are bigger than me, but I will accomplish them, because that is who I am! I LOVE Christmas, Thanksgiving and my birthday, which all happen in a two month period, give or take a little. I love animals, all animals, big or small. I hate school, but I love learning. Ironic, I know, but I love learning new things because it helps me grow into a bigger person. Okay maybe I shouldn't say I hate school, I just hate homework and tests. Haha :-)

I love the Book of Mormon, and my Savior, Jesus Christ, and I love this gospel! I know it is true, I know that my Savior is ALWAYS there for me, no matter the time of the day. I know that He died for me, so I can live with Him once more. I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God and that he sealed his testimony with his blood, just like my a Savior did.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with The Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
Other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed,
That during the low periods of my life,
When I was suffering from,
Anguish, sorrow, or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to The Lord,
"You promised me Lord, that if I followed you,
You would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have seen one set of footprints is
                           When I carried you!"

Mary Stevenson